Faith in the Long Run

my beating sneaker heart

my beating sneaker heart

I have not raced a lot. One marathon. One half. One trail. And not for lack of trying...I sign up a lot. I just never make it to the starting line.

A quick look through my emails, and I can tally the races I have registered for and never ran to about 10. Even when I get the chance to defer to the following year, I am an inevitably injured then as well. 

Which is why I am a little gun shy about registering. 

Recently, two of my good friends decided to ring in their wedding day by running a half marathon this May with all of their friends and family. I LOVE THIS IDEA. I love love. I love running. I love my friends. I would love running this.

But as I run every possible calculation and scenario through my mind (6 wks off + 8 wks run/walk = race day?) I can't help but doubt that it is a long shot. Sure, I could do it. But how do I know I won't get injured yet again? Who knows how many weeks it will take me to notice my form has shifted, my gait altered, and.. oh wait.. hello stress fracture.

Registering for races is a doom spiral. I get hurt and disappointed every time. The only thing worse, would be not registering at all. 

I add myself to the NYC Marathon drafting every year, knowing if I get in I'll be stuck with a $300 ticket to the sidelines. I've signed up for TNT a hundred times, only completing a season twice. So why do I keep doing it? 

I think it comes down to faith and fight. When I sign up for a race, I am telling myself the fight isn't over yet. Even if it is taking me years to see a finish line. When I register, I am doing so in faith. Faith that I'll be able to work it out, train smart, and be healthy. 

So, sure, I'll set my alarm for registration. I'll hover on the 'submit' button for exactly 3 seconds before clicking, and hope with a little faith and a little fight I might get to the starting line.

Even if that makes me a total idiot, for the 11th time.

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