Burning Out and the Brooklyn Half
I've been backsliding a bit. My times getting slower, instead of faster. My climbing grades lower, instead of higher. And while I work a lot, fighting the constant war of creativity has left me with little zest for my own work.
The Brooklyn Half is next week and I have not trained at all. Scarier than that, I feel ok with it. A far cry from last year, when every fiber of my being was pushing to train.
So what is going on?
I could blame my newish job. Or the fact that we just moved. But I'm the girl who put on a gallery show while planning a wedding, so being overtaxed just seems like a cop-out.
There is something weak feeling about saying you are exhausted. Like a dirty secret. Admitting it also means that to feel better, you'll have to scale back on something. Who wants to do that?
No one wants to go into a race untrained. No one wants to stay at work and miss a climbing session or trivia night. No one wants to turn down drinks for sleep. But being burnt out isn't about what you want, it's about keeping your head above water.
Keeping your head above water is hard, and it is easy to forget that fun is not a luxury but a necessity. That running practice is medicinal, and group bouldering is therapeutic. That while these activities may take energy, they also give it back.
But, surprisingly, even then, sometimes you just have to say no.
So, this training season, I've said 'no' more than I would have liked to. I've had to cut long runs short, and skip many entirely.
In the end, it's just a race, and I'm glad to have spent my dwindling amount of free time on my friends and not my training. I'll be fast one day, but Brooklyn Half will most certainly not be that day. That's ok, I will find my balance soon. Until then, I'll take what I can.